Saturday, January 1, 2011
Much Ado About NothingWell, it has been a very,very long time since I actually posted any updates to this site. To tell you the truth I just haven't felt up to it. There has been so much stress and confusion in the last few years. Where to begin - Emily - my step-mother-in-law passed away. While it was heart breaking it was also a huge relief for us. She had not been herself for so long due to the dementia. You suffer the loss of the person simply due to the dementia. Then, they actually die and you experience it all over again. Including guilt that just maybe you didn't do enough for your loved one. You have spent so much time providing for their care you feel like you are actually living their life for them. Then there was still my Dad. Although it was easier now, just caring for one elderly parent it was still very demanding and time consuming. Lets not even mention the sense of responsibility involved.
My daughter, her husband and her two babies moved into our home. My son-in-law was out of work and wanted to spend his time completing his college education. My daughter also wanted to get her degree on-line. So, they lived with us. Every other week her two oldest kids stayed at our home as per her divorce agreement. Needless to say, the house was packed like sardines and with two women in the house it seemed like we were always in a stand-off as to who (or is is whom) was going to actually run the house, plan the meals - just plain run the plantation. The noise level bothered me a lot so I retreated to my room for peace. Keeping in mind that I had just lost my mother-in-law and was still taking care of my Dad there was a lot on my plate. It adversely affected the relationships of everyone in the house. I resented them and they resented Randy and I. I knew this would happen, however, I somehow thought we would all handle it better. I was so fragile emotionally I think I just blew everything up to be bigger than it really was. My daughter seemed to do the same thing. (Guess we are very much alike) She finally took over the preparation of evening meals and frequently did the grocery shopping for me which was a very big help. When she cleaned the house or did the laundry I was over the moon with excitement. I had absolutely no energy, needed to sleep round the clock and felt out of touch with everyone - including Randy. Although he was sensitive to my feelings I always interpreted everything as a criticism had hurt feelings and cried that I was just exhausted.
Well, yes, I was exhausted! However, I didn't know it at the time but I had developed severe sleep apnea. Never going into the rim sleep phase, stopping breathing as much as 70 times in an hour. YES, I WAS EXHAUSTED and slept every chance I got. It wasn't until months after my Dad passed away that I finally participated in a sleep study. I had attributed everything to my stress level - not a sleeping problem. Anyway, now that I look like Darth Vader when I go to bed I am actually sleeping a sound and restful sleep due to the c-pap.
My life has slowly taken on a new and revived pace. Randy retired in June and we have been working on repairs to the house so that when we go to sell it we won't have to rush around to get everything done. I now have my scrap room back and I'm loving every minute of it - my very own retreat. Daniel put in crown molding for us and it is a very restful and creative place to work on my projects. Randy should start work part time sometime this month and he and I are both looking forward to it. I promise there will be more updates later.
link | posted by BootyJC at 11:03 PM
1 Comments:
-
had this to say:
I love you mom
- January 5, 2011 at 7:44 PM
