I rushed out to get a copy of Carly Simon's CD Reflections as soon as I could. She and her son and daughter, both off-spring of James Taylor (my other the most favorite singer) were guests on the Oprah show a couple of weeks ago and her son, I think his name was Ben looks just like his Dad and her daughter was a blonde beauty and they could sing their asses off!!! Anyway, I was on my way home from a visit with my Dad - in deep thought about how frail and old he was looking and the song (#18 on the CD) Like A River came on - the words are awesome. I broke down in tears - of course, all I could think of was my Mother who passed away in April of '90, and the lyrics hit me. Everyone MUST hear this song!!! It starts out mourning the loss of her mother then changes to questions to her mother about the afterlife which then made be laugh and cry at the same time. Everyone in my family was convinced that you actually came back to visit loved ones after your demise & moved things, protected & guided the members left behind and this song was just written for every daughter that has lost a mother. It is truly deeply moving and beautiful - get ready for a good cry.

The legal drugs they give you at the hospital are pretty good! There is an absolute void in my memory - which is good - means no pain!!! The part of the hospital stay that I remember is not that great. First of all, the surgical supplies were not all ordered and delivered and the surgery was delayed for 2 hrs. Keep in mind that I had not eaten or drank anything since the evening before. Then when I was "recovered" in the recovery room and ready for my room the damn room wasn't ready. I was registered in advance of this event so it is not like they didn't know I was coming!! Finally, at about 7:05pm they rolled me into the room where my first request of the nurse was to have something to eat and drink since I was starving. I fell asleep so around 10pm when I asked yet again (still not even water) the nurse assured me that I would be served a Healthy Choice frozen dinner. Never brought to room - at 2:45am I decided to take matters in my own hands and since the always write the room phone number on a grease board I dropped the room number and dialed all zeros and got someone that answered saying Doctor's ???" (can't remember the 2nd word) where I explained my dilemma. Finally, at 3am they delivered to me a really gross meal - however, I was able to eat the carrots and the dessert and was thrilled. I'm healing nicely - have 6 small incisions starting at the groin area and ending near my asshole (OUCH) I was apparently in stirrups for 2 1/2hours - trying walking after that. The desired results of this surgery have in deed been worth the pain and hunger.

Monday morning I will be placed in stirrups, put under general anesthesia and the doctor will repair my prolapsed bladder and rectum. I never even knew your rectum could fall - so that was a surprise to me - and the bladder has definitely fallen and can't get up. I'll get a hammock to support my bladder - I've requested a LL Bean as they last so long - the doctor must think I'm crazy. Now, lets see, my ass will be in the air, all kinds of cutting and sewing going on - how big does that damn thing open up to anyway?? I really don't even want to know the answer to that one. So girls, to help keep your bladder in place you must do kiegels (sp?)- it helps to hold 'em to a count of ten and keep those muscles strong - I was under the illusion that mine were so strong that I'd be able to pick up dimes - which I also told the doctor - but alas, they aren't. I always get sick from the anesthesia so I'm not looking forward to that part - the wonderful man I'm married to will be my nurse - he sure puts me to shame as a nurse - when he had surgery on his nose I couldn't even stay in the room with him cause his nose bled so much I could smell it and I became sick. When I drove him home from the hospital his nose started bleeding real badly and I kept gagging and had to pull over to the side of the road. Those nurses sure have strong stomachs is all I can say. On top of all that I have a UTI so right now life kinda sucks for me. Wish me luck!!

I am a caregiver to my step-mother-in-law - she resides with me, is 85 and has dementia. I also care for my Dad who still lives in his own home. He will be 89 in June and has glaucoma, major heart disease, spinal stenosis, several pins in his knee due to an auto accident - in other words a litany of miscellaneous aches and pains. He "Did the Right Thing" and invited his 84 year old homeless brother to move in with him! Now keep in mind that his little brother burned down a house while attempting to cook and chat with a neighbor in the yard at the same time - hmmmm?? I'm an overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, angry, depressed, isolated, miserable, sorry ass BITCH to be around!!! I don't mean to be - but I am. I know that I am doing "THE RIGHT THING", however, it is the most demanding and difficult challenge I have experienced to date.

What are the positives? Well, I am spending the "end times" with my Father and there is a lot to be said for that. I've gotten to know him in a way that most of my siblings don't. I know his every weakness, strength, and memory from his past. Just to look at his face I know how he feels and what mood he is in. I understand his fears and his need for friendship and socializing. He is human and alive - those needs never stop - in fact, if anything they seem to be personified for him - much like the needs of a teenager wanting to be part of the in-crowd. I feel a special closeness to him which seems totally alien to the part of me that resents the demands he puts on my life. I always fussed over the fact that I barely knew my Dad - I can't say that now. I hope he takes pleasure in getting to know me better.

My uncle was my favorite on my Dad's side of the family. He was in the navy and he always came bearing gifts from his worldly travels when we were little children, I still have a beautiful necklace and bracelet that he gave to me and my older sister. I also have fond memories of the "Chinese" silk pj's he gave us. Arlene and I didn't waste any time christening them when we wet the bed while wearing them! He is in frail health and has an extremely poor memory. He gets confused very easily which makes him shake and twiddle his fingers nervously not having any idea how to respond to questions, etc.. He is ever the gentleman to my mother-in-law which I'm positive she enjoys as she actually lights up at his kindness. He laughs easily and loves to be hugged. He also will willingly "help" me cook or clean. He drives me crazy but it is clear that his children have abandoned him and I won't do the same.

Emily doesn't have any children and only has a second cousin left living....so it is either a nursing home or our home. I foolishly thought she would get better after she came to live with us. She had broken her hip and it has been down hill from there. The dementia is probably close to the last number on any scale - she is beginning to eat with her fingers like a 2yr old. It is sad. I always liked her - she didn't have to accept Randy and I into her life (that is another story) but she has always been kind and loving to us. She IS the grandmother to my children and has always shown them love,kindness and respect. It is now our turn to do the same for her even more than before her dementia. Of course she has become the brunt of our jokes - it is a long, well tended family coping mechanism we have cultivated - guess I'll be the brunt of these jokes when I'm her age - oh well - if it helps my girls - that is okay - better that than drugs and drink. (And I should know, I have the drugs and try to avoid the drink because I want to keep the drugs!).

Ok - the details of my life as it is now - I manage prescriptions, doctor's appointments, diets, checkbooks, bowel movements, dental issues, haircuts, gift shopping, birthday reminders, household chores, pet demands, grocery shopping, cooking low-salt meals, moral (theirs not mine), laundry, yard work, car issues, returning all junk ordered, stamp purchasing -- well you get the idea. I also must do these things for myself and by the time I get to me I'm just not interested. Does this qualify me for a "Managers" position in the working world?? I will tell you have all of this has changed me at a later date.

I'm currently reading about, reviewing, and examining my religious beliefs. I follow the BIG TEN as closely as possible - I'm not always successful, but some of 'em are a given - don't commit adultery for example. 1. I don't think anyone else would put up with me and 2. The consequence of such an act would hurt everyone I love too much and 3. I really really love my husband. Also, the covet thy neighbor's wife one - while I would really like to have a wife to do my cooking, washing and ironing the little woman next door is safe from me. Only one woman in this household. In my review of my beliefs and practice I realized that I have had faith for a very long time. Does Sunday school count? I won a Bible when I was about 8 because I could quote the most Bible verses (I'm also very competitive and that helped); I baptized my kittens, I didn't dunk 'em I gently placed each one on a straw broom, raised 'em in the air a couple of times then sprinkled their little heads. I knew then that they would go to Heaven. I participated in the ground breaking cereamony for Armstrong Memorial Presbyterian Church (now Eastminister Presbyterian), and when my Dad had issues with the Pastor of the Church and left to attend a Baptist Church my good friend, Judy, and I supported my Dad by ringing the doorbell of the Pastor's home - then quickly hiding behind the raised porch - when his wife came outside we threw eggs at her. (I'm not quite sure if this one qualifies as religious, but it was a cereamony of sorts). Judy's Father was a Holiness preacher so when I slept over at her house we always had Bible reading and prayer time. As curious children and questioning our beliefs Judy and I gathered a shoe box full (well, not exactly full - there were lots and lots) of tadpoles. We placed them in the loft in her garage to wait and watch to see how long it would take 'em to turn to dust. Did I mention that it was summer? We just knew it wouldn't take very long for this event to happen. Oh yea, the garage was the home of the family washer and dryer. We never gave consideration that something would actually rot - we just concentrated on dust - needless to say, her mother spent a lot of time doing laundry since there were five children in the house and, of course, quickly picked up on the rot part - not the dust. Yes we got in trouble and we still don't know how long it takes for dust. We were 10 years old when we undertook this adventure. Did I mention that her father spoke in tongues - and we actually practiced speaking in tongues so that we would sound like him - funny thing about learning another language - I may not be able to carry on a conversation, however, I still can speak a sentence or two! When my girls came along I made sure that they always participated in Bible School and Sunday School. I dressed them in their very best (how cute and sweet they looked) and we would walk to the closest church which happend to be Methodist. I had such great memories of Bible School and I wanted them to have 'em too. They did, in fact, look forward to this summer ritual for a while, but my oldest started to get a bad attitude about getting out of bed and attending services with me. She set such a good example for her sister that it didn't take long for both of 'em to start throwing fits, stomping through the house and screaming that they hated going. It just wore me out - how can you even be pleasant to people when you are sitting in church thinking of ways to get even with your kids. So, that was the end of that, but let me share one more experience with you, I was visiting a Catholic church with my friend and had put my youngest in the nursery since she was so young. She still wasn't quite potty trained but almost. Anyway, after the service was over I went to retrieve her and she wanted to go potty when I picked her up - we promptly went into the restroom and I attempted to pull her panties down and there wer no panties! I asked her if she had wet herself and she said no. I went back to the nursery to retrieve her panties. When I asked the teacher about them she informed me that she had not been wearing any and had noticed it each time she slid down the slide in the play area. OH MY GOD!!! I was sooooo embarrassed. Kids will get even with you in their own way so watch out!! I had asked her to try to pee prior to leaving for church and she did as she was told - she simply forgot to put her panties back on. Anyway, just food for thought.

I absolutely hate hominy, sardines, and wild game. I hate dishonesty, lack of loyalty in a friend or family member and a person who can't seem to make eye contact. I dislike greatly spiders (I'm sure they have teeth), roaches, snakes, jellyfish (ouch) and the thought of stepping on a rusty nail or a shard of glass. Oh yea, and anything prickly - catcus (I've seen them go in Attack mode), thorny shrubs, vines and weeds. Splinters, paper cuts, and getting stitches. Seeing someone pick their nose or mess with a pimple (barf). Hair hanging out of nostrils and ears, oily hair (no excuses folks) teeth that need brushed, dirty fingernails and long toenails (just gross). And dirty ears. There is plenty more that gets me upset, grossed out and ready to barf but I will move on to a more pleasant dialogue - you know, the things that I really like - rain -nothing better that playing in it, splashing in puddles, listening to it and watching the sky light up Thunder is pretty special too, but it can sometimes make me jump out of my skin. Picking strawberries, gusty wind, irises, mountains, good wine, sunsets on the beach, candle light, kittens and puppies, the innocence and trust of a child, first love, the twinkle is someones eye, loud and long laughter till your belly hurts, you cry or pee yourself, poetry, a good book, a drama, colors, a sensitive introspective person, inner peace and the after glow of great sex, a hot bowl of homemade soup, crusty bread, chocolate, and a cup of hot sweetened tea, Margaritas and tequila shots, should I mention aspirin, a power nap and remembering my dreams, watching my children with their children, knowing that the Mother's Curse really works, making new friends and staying in touch with old friends, I really love just playing in the dirt, organization and a reasonably clean house. Of course there is more, I could keep going but I'll give you something to think about.

Mother.Wife.Caregiver.

I enjoy scrapbooking, gardening, reading and antiques.

• Home
• My Profile
• Blogroll Me!
• Email Me

• 2012 PLANS
• The Night Before Christmas
• Potty Mouth Gene
• Thrift-a-holic
• Friends are chosen FAMILY
• Tiny Bump Fixed
• DARTH VADER LOOK ALIKE
• Much Ado About NothingWell, it has been a very,ver...
• The Last Journey
• Passing the Test

• January 2007
• February 2007
• August 2007
• January 2011
• November 2011
• December 2011

Powered by: Blogger

Design by: soapbox.SUPERSTAR

Subscribe to
Posts [Atom]